Friday, September 5, 2025
NewsCenta
  • Home
  • News
    • Politics
    • Local
    • Education
    • Agriculture
    • World
  • Entertainment
    • Celebrities
    • Music
  • Lifestyle
  • Business
  • Sports
  • Tech
  • Opinion
No Result
View All Result
NewsCenta
  • Home
  • News
    • Politics
    • Local
    • Education
    • Agriculture
    • World
  • Entertainment
    • Celebrities
    • Music
  • Lifestyle
  • Business
  • Sports
  • Tech
  • Opinion
No Result
View All Result
NewsCenta
No Result
View All Result

The prophecy clearance House: Now open for national business

The Prophecy cloearance House – Serving the nation with truth and insight

admin by admin
August 11, 2025
in Opinion
0
Prophecy clearance House
Share on FacebookShare on Twitter

In a move that will surely make the Guinness Book of Heavenly Records, the Office of the Presidential Envoy for Interfaith and Ecumenical Relations has instructed all religious leaders to submit their prophecies for government review—effectively making Ghana the first country in the world with a “Customs and Excise Division for Spiritual Imports.”

From now on, before you can tell your congregation that the President will be toppled by a coconut falling from the Jubilee House tree, you must fill out Form P-666 in triplicate, attach two passport pictures of the angel who gave you the vision, and present it to the Elvis Afriyie Ankrah Prophecy Verification Desk. Processing time: three to forty days, depending on whether the Holy Spirit queues in the “Express Service” line.

You might also like

Sprinkling kpokpoi

Kojo asks: How can sprinkling kpokpoi at Teshie and Sowutuom turn bloodshed?

September 1, 2025
African Liberians moment GTEC

Oobake: An Akwaaba of sorts

August 31, 2025

This divine directive follows a tragic accident involving government officials, military personnel, and NDC executives—a national mourning that has, somehow, birthed a new spiritual bureaucracy. The government insists it’s about “peace and prosperity,” though some Ghanaians suspect it’s also about ensuring God’s press releases are properly edited before going to print.

Critics, however, are having a Pentecostal field day. Kojo Memsah tweeted: “So we are now going to spend taxpayers’ money to feed charlatans who announce fake prophecies? We could just buy them Netflix subscriptions instead.” Another Ghanaian wag asked why we don’t just hand over the country to religious leaders outright. After all, with this new system, governance is already halfway outsourced to Heaven’s subcommittee on African affairs.

And yet, the question lingers: why invest billions in STEM schools, universities, and brain-research labs, only to end up with a national think tank that runs on dreams, visions, and a man in Berekum who swears he saw the Vice President’s political future in his morning bowl of koko? At this rate, we might as well scrap the education budget entirely and fix the Accra–Kumasi road—at least potholes don’t speak in tongues.

Some optimists say this could finally bring structure to Ghana’s prophecy market. Soon, pastors will carry government-issued prophecy licenses, complete with expiry dates and QR codes for authenticity. Others fear the process might get corrupted: “For a small facilitation fee,” one anonymous church elder whispered, “we can make sure your prophecy passes review—even if it’s about a meteor hitting Parliament on Tuesday.”

Meanwhile, the streets are buzzing with anticipation for the first officially sanctioned national prophecy, rumoured to involve a white horse, a gas cylinder, and a minister of state spotted buying second-hand wigs in Kantamanto. The truth, of course, will depend on whether the prophecy survives the red pen of the Presidential Envoy.

Ghana—where we once imported used clothes, now imports used visions, repackaged for national consumption.

Jimmy Aglah,

Resident Satirist, Republic of Uncommon Sense.

*****

The writer, Jimmy Aglah, is a media executive, author, and sharp-eyed social commentator. His latest book, Once Upon a Time in Ghana: Satirical Chronicles from the Republic of Uncommon Sense, now available on Amazon Kindle, delivers a witty, piercing take on Ghanaian society and governance. When he’s not steering broadcast operations, he’s busy challenging conventions—often with satire, always with purpose.

Post Views: 462
Tags: Elvis Afriyie AnkrahNDC
admin

admin

Related Stories

Sprinkling kpokpoi

Kojo asks: How can sprinkling kpokpoi at Teshie and Sowutuom turn bloodshed?

by Kojo Emmanuel
September 1, 2025
0

The Homowo festival, celebrated annually by the Ga people, is meant to be a season of joy, thanksgiving, and unity....

African Liberians moment GTEC

Oobake: An Akwaaba of sorts

by NewsCenta
August 31, 2025
0

Oobake: An Akwaaba of sorts — blending warmth and wonder, this is your invitation into a world of cultural depth,...

Ghana surgical investment

Ghana needs a surgical approach to minimum investment capital requirement

by NewsCenta
August 26, 2025
0

Last week in Tokyo, during the TICAD 2025 Conference, His Excellency the President, John Dramani Mahama, announced that Ghana is...

African Liberians moment GTEC

GTEC saga: ln defence of ‘fake’ and honorary doctorates

by Kwesi Tawiah-Benjamin
August 24, 2025
0

How did we solve the degree conundrum before GTEC? We didn't seem to have problems with our ‘booklong’ people when...

Recommended

Ivory Coast NADMO

13,000 Ghanaian refugees in Ivory Coast need support — NADMO

September 5, 2025
Court Ashie Moore

Court throws out Ashie Moore in $1.5m case with Singaporean

September 5, 2025
NPP Paul Afoko

Suspension from NPP left me bitter — Paul Afoko breaks silence

September 5, 2025

Popular Story

  • Songs Daddy Lumba

    See the list of over 200 songs Daddy Lumba released

    738 shares
    Share 295 Tweet 185
  • Gold-backed policies since 2021 driving economic gains — BoG

    711 shares
    Share 284 Tweet 178
  • 10 of top 11 causes of death killing more men in Ghana

    698 shares
    Share 279 Tweet 175
  • Bissue floors High Court and OSP at Supreme Court

    690 shares
    Share 276 Tweet 173
  • Monday, May 26, 2025 Newspaper Headlines

    679 shares
    Share 272 Tweet 170
NewsCenta

Newscenta is a Ghana-based news organisation publishing in print (The Newscenta Newspaper) and on a digital media platform (newscenta.com) dedicated to delivering timely and impactful news across various sectors, including politics, business, economy, technology, and culture.

  • About Us
  • Contact Us
  • Health
  • Education
  • Mining
  • Energy
  • Telecoms
  • Agriculture
  • Opinion
  • Trade
  • Newspaper Headlines

© 2025 All Rights Reserved NewsCenta.

Welcome Back!

Login to your account below

Forgotten Password?

Retrieve your password

Please enter your username or email address to reset your password.

Log In

Add New Playlist

No Result
View All Result
  • Home
  • News
    • Politics
    • Local
    • World
  • Entertainment
    • Celebrities
    • Music
  • Lifestyle
  • Newspaper Headlines
  • Business
  • Agriculture
  • Education
  • Sports
  • Tech
  • Opinion

© 2025 All Rights Reserved NewsCenta.

Connect with us