A Voyage Through Traditions: A father’s legacy: Love, loss, and the weight of memory

With her right hand slowly caressing her pregnant belly, and the left one resting on her hip, Ayikale stood beside the tree stump in the middle of her father’s compound.

A daughter’s journey through grief and healing
A smile played about her lips when she recalled how her father would ask “Meni hewo osumoo tso kuku nee sane neke?”
The loud booming voice with which he asked why she liked that tree stump so much never failed to make her laugh.
It was never really about the question. It was the way he asked it. Loud, brash and simple with a puzzling tone.
If she knew anyone who was brazenly himself at all times, it was her father, Ayi.
Even his flaws were unhidden and yet they somehow made him everyone’s favorite person.
The turmoil of losing him to a rather short illness was slowly beginning to become bearable. No less painful but bearable.
Naa Koshie, her mother, was still inconsolable after a year.
Even on the days she did not weep, she would talk about him incessantly and compare anything that anyone did to how her beloved husband Ayi would have done it.
Ayikale understood what a devastating loss her father’s death had been to all.

When visitors bring gifts but leave behind sadness
But, she despised the people who constantly trooped in to check on the widow and her children.
Though some brought thoughtful gifts, they always left her mother feeling sadder than she was before their visit.
She wished she could stop them from coming to their home so often.

How a generous son-in-law turned distrust into joy
The day her traditional marriage rites were performed, Ayi was so overcome with joy that he talked non-stop about what a brilliant man her son-in-law was.
He said “Oblanuu nee ele nii waa. Wosee ko le ebaafee nibii wujii aha ibi Ayikale.”
He was simply overcome with pride when her daughter’s husband gifted him an enormous television complete with a Home Theatre set.
It was presented as part of the gifts that the father of the bride was to receive from his new son in law.
Her smile widened a little more when she recalled that prior to her getting married to her husband Addae, Ayi had never approved of their relationship.
He claimed he had dealt with some very dishonest people who belonged to the same tribe that Addae had come from and there was no changing his mind about his stance.
With time, and after several generous gifts from Addai, Ayi softened his stance.
His wife and daughter teased him relentlessly that the Akuapim man had turned Ayi’s heart into shea butter with his generous gifts.
He however insisted that he could tell right from the start that the young gentleman possessed a good spirit and was nothing like the people he had known.
The vehemence with which he defended himself got mother and daughter laughing and teasing him even more.

A mother’s inconsolable grief and the silence of an only child
Ayi’s death had taken the lightheartedness of their home. In its place hung a heaviness that did not want to go away.
Even the walls that had been painted a pure white during the preparation for his funeral now looked dull and uninteresting. Being an only child only added to Ayikale’s pain… and her mother’s too as there was no one to console either of them when their sorrows met on the same days.
“Meni hewo osumoo neke tso kuku nee sane neke?” Naa Koshie appeared from nowhere and asked her daughter the all too familiar question. This time however, no laughter erupted from Ayikale.
Instead, she gave her mother a sad smile and asked if she was hungry. “Homo mii ye bo?”

By Nelly Dela Mensah