Somebody help me! Somebody help the youths!
Oh! I’m screaming … .forgive me… but it’s exhausting (crying), I’m already exhausted by the unnecessary pressures we, the youth, give ourselves.
The comparisons! Can we be real? Can we just “cut our coats according to our cloth?”
Ok…let’s get talking
What Is Success?
According to the Cambridge Dictionary, success is defined as “the achieving of the results wanted or hoped for”
And by the Oxford Dictionary, it defines success as the achievement of a desired result or outcome; the accomplishment of an aim or purpose.
Who determines succes?
Can I be honest? YOU!
For instance, graduating from college or a university with a GPA that puts you in the position of a 2nd Class Lower can be your success. One will ask why you’re jubilating over such a relatively “poor GPA,” little did they know that put you on the pathway to your next achievement which is probably a promised job or a chance to your next achievement.
But to Society, a 1st class is all that should be the success of any higher education student.
It’s not bad, but you see, society’s definition of success is not the same as what every individual deems success, as it is relative, differing from person to person.
It is never the touchstone or model to go by.
Somewhere along the line, many of us silently agreed to a deadline we don’t remember signing up for. By 30, you should have “made it.” By 40, “you should be settled, stable, and certain.”
You should have a good job, a thriving business, be “MARRIED” with or without children, own property, have direction, be confident … .Name it.
And if you don’t have these things by the time the “clock strikes” (.wondering who bought that clock and put it to work..) a particular age, society has a subtle way of making you feel late, even worse, left behind.
There comes the famous proverb “a fool at 40 is a fool forever”, permit me to ask, what if life just happened?
I see it everywhere. In conversations wrapped in jokes, in social media posts disguised as motivation, in the quiet panic people feel on their birthdays…particularly when they start hitting mid-twenties and thirties.
The pressure to be successful by 30 or 40 has become one of the most unspoken sources of anxiety in adulthood. But here’s the uncomfortable question we rarely ask:
Who actually set this timeline?
Success has been oversimplified. It has been reduced to a checklist that must be ticked out by the close of a particular period, a neat sequence of milestones that everyone is expected to hit at the same pace, regardless of background, opportunity, loss, health, or circumstance.
We forget that life is not a straight road. Some people start early, others restart, some people pause because life demands they do; illness, grief, responsibility, financial strain, or simply not knowing yet, sets in.
None of these things means failure,rather they mean you’re human!
But we’re so fixated on being like the other person that we forget to give ourselves “grace”…oh! How mean we are!
You know the thief of joy and fulfillment here?… Comparison! And social media has only intensified the pressure.
As we scroll through curated lives of others, seeing how they celebrate their promotions, weddings, baby announcements, new cars, new homes, we forget that we’re seeing highlights and not full stories.
We forget we don’t see the debts, breakdowns, career switches, abuse in marriages or relationships, the emotional, and mental health struggles, the unfulfillments, and dissatisfaction that frowns behind the smiles…yet, we give ourselves no grace to keep pushing and a pat on the back for good work done so far. That’s unfair to the soul in you.
You know what comparison does? It has a subtle way of telling you…”you must also celebrate your wins just like theirs,” “your engagement should be as grand and dramatic as Esi’s on Instagram, if not better”
That’s where you begin hating yourself; questioning every good thing that’s happening to you…asking why it’s not happening like that of the others…. Now if you’ve just graduated with your first or second degree and didn’t get a party to celebrate you, you become sad.
Wake up! See the light and thank your God and family who love you…if there’s no family, thank YOU for doing it!
Being “Behind” is often you just being honest with yourself…. You’re probably not behind, but rather, you’re just taking longer in figuring out who you are, your potential, and how to maximise them.
Does this make you a failure?
Some people spent their twenties surviving, some spent their thirties unlearning, some spent years building others before themselves, some are only just discovering courage later in life … .so you see…. you’re not late!
Did you forget the famous proverb, “all fingers are not equal?” Remind yourself again, if you have..
There is nothing shameful about starting again at 35, or choosing peace at 40, or redefining success entirely at any age. Growth doesn’t expire.
Can we have a broader conversation about Timing? Because the truth is, having success without peace is not success…, it’s pressure in disguise ….you can argue that…it’s fine.
Achievement without alignment eventually catches up with us, and that’s when BURNOUT sets in, (We shall talk about Burnout soon…) that’s when resentment creeps in. That’s when people realise they chased what looked good, instead of what felt right.
Maybe the real work is not racing against time as we think, but listening to ourselves more closely.
Asking better questions like:
Am I growing, even if it’s quiet?
Am I learning, even if it’s slowly?
Am I becoming more grounded, more self-aware, more whole?
If your answer is yes, then you are not late.
Let’s be practical….
Redefine the deadlines. Life is not a competition, and adulthood is not an exam with a universal marking scheme.
There is no master clock ticking louder for some than for others. Success can look like stability, courage, healing, starting over, choosing rest, finally saying no, or daring to say yes.
So, if you’re reading this and feeling left behind, let this remind you that you are not late to your own life.
You’re simply moving at a pace that allows you to become who you’re meant to be.
And that might be the most honest success story of all.
There’s a value I hold dear, let me share with you..
Everything will happen in time, but while you wait for your time, keep working, for when the time comes, you do not miss out…that would have been a wasted waiting time.
By Hellen Grace Akomah
